Sunday, 18 January 2015

For that moment when the plan is jerked from under your feet

I don’t know what to say.

I am not God. And I really can’t see what God is doing right now.

I want to be able to explain it, or do something about it. Because this situation is crazily unfair, ridiculously hard to sit in and my oh my this is taking trusting God to a place I have not entirely experienced.

I don’t know how you bring yourself to talk about it. The rowing emotions must be bringing you to your knees, because as angry or as frustrated or even as upset you might get, at the end of the day it is simply utterly disappointing.

Then we spoke to those girls, we shared our heart and I don’t know how you did it. Because it is all very well to say that when you’re walking with God it doesn’t always feel like He is there. It is all very well to say it, but when you are in the middle of it, when you’re not just in the middle but you’re sinking in it, that is hard.

I’ve ran away from speaking out of my place of disappointment: hard faith - the stuff that comes when we step into the long haul.

You stepped onto that water and with all my might I want you to stay there, to stay there without looking at the waves, and yet every part of me is in wonder that you haven’t stepped back into the boat, grabbed the oars and rowed in your own direction.

It would be understandable.

But that kite string. That kite string that enables you to fly, oh it really does feel trapping right now. It feels like you are being put in a box, and your horizons are being shrunk down. And yet, because we have seen God at work.

Because we walk within miracles.

Because we have an awareness of all that He is doing around us.

Somehow that tension of the kite string must be something that lets us feel at peace. Because those free fall moments when the string is not taut are scary times - so may that string catch us once more, may His tugs pull us back into dancing around amongst the winds.

All I can find within myself to cry out is hold on. Hold on and keep breathing.

Not that sort of holding on where someone runs off to get something or just has to do something and they’re asking you to simply wait without doing anything. I mean HOLD ON, grasp firmly the promises of God.

Look back to those times over and over and over and over again where we have seen Him move. Those mountains have hopped in utter abandonment time and time again,

it’s almost embarrassing.

We walk within miracles.

And so I step out and stand on truth and say that this is one too. Somehow this is a miracle. Somehow this is a greater fulfilment of the bigger picture.

It feels like He has dropped the brush altogether. Or maybe He’s left it on the side in that art room which means it may never show up again.

And yet this is wildly not the truth because really He is painting and refining to the most minute detail.

He has got this. It’ll be alright. We are in this for the long haul wherever it heads.

And keep breathing. We were once in a room together with Danielle Strickland preaching and she taught us spiritual breathing. So I remind you now to keep breathing.

Breathe out all the mess, the hurt, the hard, the frustrations – everything standing in the way.

and breathe in His peace, and love, and joy. And hope.

HOLD on to that hope that you are breathing in.

Let it stay there and rest. Because He has got this. We spring that one at each other for always. He has got this. But it is truth to a level neither of us are able to comprehend and yet have glimpsed at. He has got this.

I scream at Him with you and then I quieten too and realise that this is something more than you and Him and you want Him to come through and honour it all.

I hold your arms up, but He has the power.

May His glory be.

I hope this reaches you on a good day.

It doesn’t always feel like God pulls through, we are following what we thought was His plan and somehow it is jerked from underneath our feet. It’s a hard place to find yourself. He has got it & that’s what I write on today.

Tuesday, 13 January 2015


I began to wonder if that was it, no more one words, but it made me sink inside - I could glimpse at what it was to mean, what it was to play out within the waking up walking around days.

It had to be about exploding in this moment here, doing all I could to LIVE and live properly. To be a full expression of myself.

I just couldn't place the word. It wouldn't come.

and then like that



to flourish. to grow vigorously.

Let me jump into this moment here, let me choose to live to my fullest, let me find what brings me fully alive and jump right through the door of opportunity waiting!

I am blown away by how much Now still lives with me, and feel blessed to have Fearless spoken over me.

This year I dive into the canvas, awaiting the moments where I get to step back and glimpse at the awesomeness being painted. This year my agenda fades back as His agenda finds space to prosper, to succeed, to bloom, blossom and THRIVE.

Do you have a One Word? I am so excited to find so many of my most favourite of peoples choosing to let one word direct their year - it is such an awesome and fun way to live! It honestly has changed me and I'd love for you to join me!

Tuesday, 16 December 2014

I imitate

A human, a machine, a criminal... a monster?

I edit moving pictures. Not every day. But that's what I do do. And it feels a bit small and menial and unmeaningful. 

Is it a good or bad thing to avoid showing the small child who is crying about being the snowflake in this year's rendering of the nativity?

I've been wanting to take a trip to the cinema for a while now. But days pass me by, they turn into weeks, and months when suddenly I turn around and the sun has gone from my back - I have to de-ice my car and am met by the wonders of heated wing mirrors.

But today he said lets go. So we went. 

And he said how he would have a totally different worldview when he came out of the film. And that truth sort of hit me once spoken aloud. 

Because really they do hit me. Films I mean, I enter into this other world whether it's nonsense or fact and they rarely fail to take me on a whirlwind.

Then the credits roll and the lights fade me back into the reality of existence. And the last two hours of my life have an immense impact. 

And they did. I felt like the words unsaid were the most powerful this evening. 

And I sit and try to figure out multicams and resolutions and dimensions, and sound stuff. And mostly a whole great pile of computery words that I really don't understand. 

But as my customer Ian said. Yes I guess the higher up the less broad your job is. 

So I am in this chain. And if someone didn't start by filming the nativitys. Then maybe the pile of stuff wouldnt build to films with such immense power to change my entire worldview in the telling of a story. 

May it be that I don't forget the power in recording.